Update. 11/20/2016


I thought I would give an update since I had some changes within my medication and therapy. How have I been? I have been great. I have not self medicated with anything other then my prescriptions....which makes me feel like a completely new person. I love this feeling, and I made a promise to myself I will never change that. Those days are done and over, I do not need anything besides what my doctor gives me and so far that is working 100%. I promise myself that I am going to keep on myself and make sure that I keep up to make sure that I stay just like I am right now.

The medicine that I am on makes me feel like a normal person all the time now. I cannot believe how different I feel being on the correct medicine and working on myself. Everything is changing, I get up and want to put on makeup again. I want to feel like a girl again. I care about my appearance. I make sure my finger and toenails are on point....it makes me feel good. I can laugh with my kids and it isn't a fake laugh, it is a real belly laugh. Another odd thing, my taste in music is back to hip hop. I put it on when I am driving and I feel so good. For years I was listening to country, I couldn't stand anything that was real uppity and dance, and now that is what I want to listen to. It makes me feel good and it makes me feel like "Nikki" again. I am learning that I do not always have to be "mom" I am me too and that is okay. I just feel soo good.

Well, I did say that my medication has changed. I am right now on 400mg of Seriquil at night (yes, it knocks me on my ass, but it works wonders for me during the day). I am also on 20mg of Prozac during the day. When I went to my psych this past week he took me off the Prozac. I guess I talk really fast and he said that I seem like I am "too good" and he doesn't want to push me into a manic episode. So, we are going to just try the Seriquil for the next month and see how that works for me. He also wants a 3rd party that knows me to come to my next appt. Andrew is going to try to make it, and if he cannot make it I am going to bring my mom. I know him or her will be honest about what they think about how I am and that can really help with my medication. I want to do everything possible to make sure that I am on point. The last thing I want is to go too high or too low.

My worst fear is to slip back to where I was. I do not want to get to where I don't know what is happening to me or how to control my emotions. I don't think I would make it like that ever again. I really am thankful to the psych unit I was in and everyone I met there, they will never know how much they helped me and how they are going to be a part of my life forever.

Have any questions for me? I am an open book and I am there for anyone. Just message me.

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